Understanding the Importance of Financial Harmony in Couples
Couples who stay aligned financially rarely get there by accident. Advisors understand that achieving financial harmony is not just about budgeting or investment strategy — it also involves ongoing communication.
Uncovering Deep-rooted Beliefs and Behaviors
Often, the real work lies in helping clients explore their beliefs, behaviors, and attitudes towards money, which may have origins in early family experiences and childhood dynamics. This exploration is crucial before any differences manifest as financial conflicts.
Heather Boneparth, co-author of “Money Together” and co-owner of New York-based RIA Bona Fide Wealth with her husband Doug Boneparth, emphasizes the impact of familial influences on financial decisions. She notes that individuals may either follow their parents’ financial practices blindly or rebel against them entirely, leading to extreme behaviors.
Building Honest Communication into Financial Planning
Advisors play a pivotal role in fostering honest, recurrent money discussions as part of the planning process. By turning uncomfortable questions into routine conversations, they help couples navigate potential conflicts and align their financial goals.
Understanding how couples think about money
Molly Lohroff, a senior wealth management associate with Greenleaf Trust in Kalamazoo, Michigan, highlights that many couples face challenges not due to a lack of resources but because of differing approaches to money. Money often reflects values, experiences, and priorities, leading two financially responsible individuals to have contrasting views.
According to Assunta “Susie” McLane, managing director at Summit Place Financial Advisors in Summit, New Jersey, financial harmony transcends mere numbers. It encompasses communication, shared values, and transparency. Disagreements often stem from emotional attachments to money shaped by family backgrounds and past experiences.
Common areas of disagreement
Financial planning serves not only as an investment tool but also as a means of communication. By providing a clear roadmap for shared financial goals, couples can alleviate many disagreements that may arise. Understanding the rationale behind financial decisions shifts the focus from determining who is right to collaborating on moving forward together.
Misalignments commonly occur in areas such as saving versus spending, debt management, risk tolerance, and lifestyle expectations. Couples may also overlook discussing their financial histories, including student loans, spending habits, and childhood experiences with money. By fostering transparency and understanding each other’s values, couples can prioritize shared goals over compromises.
Getting comfortable with uncomfortable questions
To ensure the long-term success of financial plans, couples must address uncomfortable questions that may arise. Financial planner Bill Hines emphasizes the importance of testing each plan to guarantee financial security for both partners in the event of unexpected circumstances. While asking difficult questions may seem daunting, addressing them is crucial for financial preparedness.
Hines also stresses the significance of assessing each spouse’s risk tolerance and aligning investments accordingly. Simplifying financial matters benefits the less financially savvy partner and promotes mutual understanding within the relationship.
Scheduling a regular ‘money meeting’
Lohroff recommends that couples engage in regular financial conversations, even if they may initially feel unromantic. Openly discussing debt, goals, career expectations, and day-to-day money management fosters mutual understanding. Establishing a quarterly money date provides a structured platform for discussing financial matters and reinforcing positive financial habits.
Doug Boneparth suggests scheduling money meetings at a time and place convenient for both partners. These meetings should focus on both challenges and successes, serving as a platform for celebrating financial milestones and addressing concerns. McLane views quarterly money meetings as essential checkups for couples to engage in open conversations about debt, spending habits, and future decisions.
Financial harmony entails building trust, understanding each other’s priorities, and committing to ongoing communication as life circumstances evolve. By prioritizing open dialogue and shared financial goals, couples can navigate financial challenges together.
